This morning, after I made my coffee, I made a delicious scramble, consisting of potatoes, uncured ham, tomatoes, avocado, cheese, and of course, scrambled eggs. My lovely fiance made her amazing baked cinnamon sugar donuts, and now I feel like I am going to birth a xenomorph from my stomach.
Since then, I have been enjoying time with my little family, and watching my fiance’s daughter monopolize my Playstation playing Fortnite, when I haven’t even finished my Week 1 challenges. I’m not mad, though. It’s been peaceful and relaxing.
My fiance has been baking her amazing strawberry cupcakes. I put a tri-tip in the oven, which I will later slice into pieces and use the drippings to make homemade au jus for French dips.
I would be upset that my fiance is cooking today, on her birthday, but both her and I know that nobody can bake as well as she can, and she should not have to suffer with substandard treats, especially on her birthday.
I’d been counting calories lately, and recently dropped about ten pounds, but as you can imagine, I am not counting today. No worries, no stressing, no planning, just peaceful enjoyment of our lives and the happiness we have fought so hard to create. My relationship with my fiance has not always been easy. We faced many obstacles to our happiness, sometimes from within our own heads. We rarely ever fight, and when we do, we take such great care not to get too personal, that most people wouldn’t even call it a fight. Despite how little we fight with each other, we have had to fight hard to get to where we are today.
We have had to fight against jealous, backstabbing “friends”. We have had to fight against a shitty landlord. We have had to fight against her daughter’s former exploitative employers. We have had to fight my health problems, the lousy healthcare providers, and the insurance companies. We have had to fight through a few economic emergencies. I have had to fight with a member of my family. We have had to fight her mother’s health condition. We have had to fight our own heads and fears of trying to really commit to a person after traumas we have both experienced.
We aren’t done fighting. We still need to finish the fight to get out of this horrible location. More fights for health will always be in our future. Our heads occasionally still need a little sense knocked into them as bad memories demand to be relived. Fighting will always be a part of our lives.
But today, we do not fight. We rest, relax, and celebrate.
My life has improved immeasurably since meeting my fiance. I think of each fight we have had to go through together, and think of facing those same fights without her. There is nobody I would rather have fighting by my side than her. She is one of the most caring, and nurturing people I have ever met. She is intelligent, funny, sexy, occasionally sassy, so very strong, and actually honest; sometimes, brutally so. I never have to wonder if she is hiding something from me, and never question whether or not I really know her.
When people I have known much longer, and who should have been much closer turned their backs on me, she was there for me. She understands and appreciates the toll all I have been through has taken on me, and helps me to get through when I feel like I could give up.
She has never used any of her generosity toward me as a method of control. She understands that many of the bad choices I have made in my life were the result of being stuck choosing something bad, or something immeasurably worse; so she has never thrown any decision in my life back at me. She is considerate without being a doormat, and does not have a face she shows the world, that is any different from herself.
She jokes that I want to marry her for her baking skills. I do think she is the best baker in the world, but she better understand I would never marry her for such a reason. I love her for so many reasons that would never fit in a single blog post.
When I met her, the first time, I looked into her eyes and there was a deep familiarity. She saw it too, in me. We match and compliment each other in ways I never thought possible. I swear that I loved in her before, in another life.
We went to school together. Twice. But we didn’t meet then. We hung out at the same places, but our paths didn’t cross. We knew the same people, but it wasn’t until years later, and many moves across the country for each of us, before we finally met.
She is pagan, and so am I. Our paths are similar, but we each have maintained our individuality. The way we view the world is similar, but not identical. We can discuss anything, and whether or not we agree completely, we are able to see each other’s point of view.
I can’t sleep without her anymore. If she gets up for any reason while I am in bed, I will toss and turn or just give up and get up. Even when she is just getting up at night to use the bathroom, I grab her pillow and hold it close to smell her scent. My favorite feeling in the world is the one I get when I am holding her in my arms after a kiss, and she looks up into my eyes. I have never felt more loved than I feel from her eyes at those moments.
I am so happy today, because today I get to celebrate how happy I am that she was born. I get to celebrate how happy she makes me.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, it is time to pull the tri-tip from the oven and continue celebrating.
Happy birthday, Love.
Happy day, everyone else, or birthday too, you know, if it so happens to be your birthday as well.